5 months

when i go to bed
at night,
usually
an hour or two
after grub
because
i have
to pump,
i stare
at the outline
of vee's face
in the dark.
i listen
to the quick
sounds of her
breath
as she
dreams
whatever
babies dream.

. . . . .



5 months
have passed
and
it's still difficult
to believe
she is here.
this little being
is our daughter.
the transition
to parenthood,
in retrospect,
was almost seamless.
one moment
you are
your own entity
independent,
with your own direction
and then
suddenly
it all changes
and like
gravity,
she pulls
you towards her.
she anchors you.



vee's 5th month
was spent
half in mexico
and
half in switzerland.
the one
thing i can
say
for certain
about vee is
she is adaptable.
whether that
is laying in her
diapers
on the bed
in 90°+ F heat



or
wrapped up
in a bear suit
in 5° F.



changes are
{almost} always
much easier
than i anticipate.
she is skeptical
at first.
she greets
new things
with a characteristic
furrowed brow
but
then she
relaxes
and
flashes
her sweet
toothless
smile.



. . . . .

in the mornings
she is talkative.
grub and i
try to squeeze
15 more minutes
of sleep
before
one of us
gives up
and
gets up
to make tea.
when i open my eyes
and look at her
she smiles.
it's pretty
amazing
to see that
first thing
in the morning.



she also is
incredibly focused
and
carefully watches
my mouth
as i say
mama. mama. mama.
sometimes
she tries
to mouth
the mmmmm
but usually
gives up and
chews on
or
sticks out
her tongue.



she can
hold her head up
but
her head
still looks
like
she is balancing
a bowling ball
on a stick.
it wobbles a bit.
every day
she gets
a little
stronger.



she can stand
supported
against us.
we play
super flynn
with her
daily-
standing
and flying
through
the air on her belly
(saving the world
with her secret
super weapon).
it seems to be
one of
her favorite
games.



she has
changed
so much
since
last month.
her personality
is beginning
to show.
i see glimmers
of
the little girl
that soon
with run ahead
of me
and all
i will be able
to do
is
try
to
keep
up.



xo